As my pursuit of a 24/7 conversational relationship with God continued (which
was, in reality, not me pursuing God,
but God pursuing me), my daily fellowship with God grew longer and
“deeper.” By “deeper” I do not intend to
imply some kind of “super-spiritual” status or study. I simply stopped hurrying. I began to spend more time listening to God through His Word and
for His quiet and gentle voice speaking to my heart through His Spirit. This was all
His work in me. My contribution was
that I was cooperating with Him,
which is how He wants me to live all of my life. All of it is accomplished by His enabling
power: grace.
As I mentioned in my journal entry of May 1, as I immersed myself in the Gospels, the Holy Spirit enabled my
understanding that Jesus' message, His Gospel, was that the kingdom of God “is at hand” and
is now available for entry by anyone willing to be born “from above.” Jesus was and is Himself the evidence, the
proof, for His announcement that the kingdom of God is now available for
entrance by ordinary humans.
My journey was immensely aided by Dallas Willard’s extraordinary book, The Divine Conspiracy. Dr. Willard explained that the kingdom of God “is the range of his effective will,
where what he wants done is done. The
person of God himself and the action of his will are organizing principles of
his kingdom, but everything that obeys those principles, whether by nature or
by choice, is within his kingdom.” And
he continued…
And this “governance” is projected
onward through those who receive him.
When we receive God’s gift of life by relying on Christ, we find that God comes to act with us as we rely on him
in our actions” (italics added).[1]
God’s kingdom is projected onward through those who receive
him. That’s me. I am here on planet earth for the purpose of
projecting, advancing God’s kingdom here on earth. And God will act with me as I rely on Him.
Dallas Willard – and the Holy Spirit – had my attention.
Dr. Willard went on to explain that everyone of us has a
kingdom (or “queendom”) – “a realm that is uniquely our own, where our choice
determines what happens. Our ‘kingdom’
is simply the range of our effective
will. Whatever we genuinely have the
say over is in our kingdom.”[2]
What we can do with our kingdoms by ourselves (although it
might appear spectacular to some) is incredibly anemic and paltry compared to
what we can do acting in union with God Himself.
We are meant to exercise our “rule”
only in union with God, as he acts with us.
He intended to be our constant companion, or co-worker in the creative
enterprise of life on earth.[3]
The Holy Spirit was making my heart so hungry for that kind
of life. That conversational
relationship with God I was so desperately wanting - that relationship included me being
God’s constant companion, His co-worker!
God nevertheless pursues us
redemptively and invites us individually, every last one of us, to be faithful
to him in the little we truly “have say over.”
There, at every moment, we live in the interface between our lives and
God’s kingdom among us. If we are
faithful to him here, we learn his cooperative faithfulness to us in turn. We
discover the effectiveness of his rule with us precisely in the details of
day-to-day existence (italics added).[4]
Intimacy with God in the details of my day-to-day existence
– that was the hunger of my heart. So I
determined to walk there. I woke up every
morning thinking about it (and I still do).
When I got in my truck and headed to the office (or wherever), I was
driving thinking about cooperating with God to extend His kingdom in my
day-to-day existence.
And driving became the first real “test” of my
commitment. It might could be called my
“kingdom driver’s test.”
For many of us, driving is one of our ”kingdoms” – the place
where we intend for our will to rule. That
may be one of the reasons so many of us are rude or just plain idiots when it
comes to driving. We drive with
anonymity (or at least we think we do).
Our world is inside our car, and we rule there.
I have a different kind of problem when it comes to
driving. I’m something of a “rules
keeper.” I stop at the stop signs. I drive the speed limit in town and as close
as possible to it on the interstate – trying not to get run over. Yeah, I’m that annoying driver. It was just how I was “raised.” The problem is, I expect everyone else to
keep the rules too. With those kinds of
expectations, I’m set up for some frequent and significant frustration – and
sometimes anger.
As my fellowship with the Lord Jesus grew more intense – and
real – the Holy Spirit was going to teach me what a horrific problem my anger
was (more about this in a later entry).
In fact, I learned that almost every sin I committed began with anger.
So, I was determined to immerse the kingdom of my driving
into the kingdom of God’s rule and will – and to extend His kingdom to the
drivers I didn’t know, especially the ones who were not following the rules.
I failed miserably at the beginning. But those failures became a little more
intermittent and rare as the weeks went by.
I was so grieved at every failure.
But I remember Kathryn laughing one day as we drove to the office
together when I asked her if she had noticed how much better Little Rock
drivers were driving recently.
They hadn’t changed.
I had. I was changing and
growing! It seemed that I was almost
automatically praying for those non-rule keepers, and I was especially looking
for opportunities to be courteous and thoughtful to those drivers who were
not. I can assure you, this is the work
of God in me. It was happening! I was cooperating with God to use my little
kingdom to extend and project His kingdom right here on earth. If God could do this in me and through me in
this insignificant way, I was even more convinced that He could change me in
ways and areas where I needed a much more drastic transformation.
Don’t miss that word “automatically” in the previous
paragraph. That word became a
cornerstone in my understanding of discipleship. And that concept revolutionized my
understanding of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.
[1]
p. 20
[2]
p. 21
[3]
p. 22
[4]
p. 23-24
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